Gran Paradiso

"It's a hot evening for July," you said with that innocent and playful grin of yours that steals me. We sat on the park bench we usually just pass by. Having been asked to take that walk was surprising since you rarely ask me to do anything with you. It was, yes, a major panic moment for me, but what else can a girl do other than yield?

The usual street lights were off already since it was past midnight when we got there. Although, the sky was lucid enough for me to see every blink of those wide, glassy eyes and every stunningly awkward smile you let out when your hands accidentally touch mine.

You switched off your phone which is weird because you never do that. Feeling obliged, I followed your lead. "I like the park better at night. It's easier to talk to you this way. I don't have to compete with anything or anyone for your attention," I said, although regretting the last line.

I knew better than to say that. It was no competition. I wasn't in a race, not with anyone, not for you. Though you never said or did anything to make me at ease with those awkward moments, somehow I felt I was where I ought to be. That if I was in a race, I would be ahead of the pack.

But just like the classic you, you just sat there without saying a word for some five minutes. Five fucking long minutes that I wished would vanish like the sun at night. Then, with a sudden gush of blood in my head, you rested your cheek on my shoulder.

It was, yet again, another major panic moment because for me, the person I was sitting beside to would go as far as possible from me, eluding my every step like I was the mother of all sins.

Sometimes, I wonder how your hair would smell like when I wake up next to you one morning or how perfectly our hands would fit together if you'd only have the desire to hold mine. But I would regain my sanity and realize you're my Gran Paradiso that I still need to climb.

"If I could only capture this event, put it in a box and throw away the key," I thought to myself. You were there, with me, alone. At that moment, when I could almost breathe the scent of your air, I wish you'd just indulge me, or better yet, indulge in me.

You were there for five minutes, with me, in the same park bench we usually just pass by. It was the shortest five minutes of my entire life. And like how spontaneous your leaning was, so was your rising up. I almost felt the gentle dent in your cheek that I could only kiss in my dreams, but it was too fast, it was too fleeting.

You finally broke the silence. As magical as your mere presence in a room, you triumphantly conquered me with a bold declaration, "I am finally taking that leap you suggested." My fragile bones could only shiver in anticipation but only to some point as you continued, "She's back."

Could I just drown in that moss-covered lake five steps away? I wanted to run to the car, start the engine and speed away. That was one of those great escapes I see in action movies, except that I don't have a car, and it was not just a movie.

Suddenly, I was wasted on climbing my Gran Paradiso. I could barely feel anything in my legs. "Is this what a stroke would feel like?" Might as well be one as the last two words I heard were the death of me.

What else could girl do? Sit still? Run away? Drifting to seclusion could be the best option, but the agenda in the docket were shaking your hand, faintly kissing one cheek and politely saying goodnight.

Like your typical average girl, I smiled and said, "You do what you have to do. For now, it's way past my bedtime."

©Grace Ramos