Shaq to torture pink

Before you think of anything violent, I'm not talking about Pink the rocker who's a proud bisexual and famed for hit song So What. I'm actually referring to pink as in the color stereotyped only for girls (fuck the norms). And yes, the Shaq I'm talking about is Shaquille O'Neal who was just traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers by the Phoenix Suns.

Anyhow, I know it's too early to paint a grim picture in your heads, and some of you might not have the stomach for this one yet, but here goes...

Can you imagine a 7.5 feet-tall, 325-pound guy fitting in an Earl Boykins-size spandex? Just the thought of it is scary enough, right? But that nightmarish idea is likely going to happen over the weekend as man mountain Shaq waged his jersey-hugging image over a volleyball game.

While the idea of having Shaq dive in the sand is entertaining enough to say the least, he decided to raise the ante for an ABC reality show "Shaq Vs." by saying if he and teammate Phil Dalhausser loss against Olympic gold medalists Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh, his ass is going to parade in a pink Speedo along the two mile LA coastline.

By the way, I have nothing against men wearing pink. I'd happily give them high fives for being open-minded enough to wear the color. What I'm having a hard time reconciling is Shaq wearing an air-tight Speedo and nothing else. Fine! It's reality TV and anything goes, but common, wearing a piece of nylon and spandex that is at least three sizes smaller than yours? You must be getting paid huge bucks for that man! Good for you! (Sorry for us?)

But you got to hand it to the guy. At 37 years old and way past his swinging prime, the NBA's pre-Dwight Howard Superman sure knows how to stir some controversy around him. I just hope he also takes the entertainment to hungry Cleveland by helping Lebron "King" James get that elusive crown.

Anyhow, the reality show, which debuts on Aug. 18 on ABC, will also feature top athletes like my favorite swimmer and eight-time Beijing games gold medalist Michael Phelps, Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols and Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger.

Please God... For the love of everything I believe in, please let Shaq win! lol